so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
