haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
