i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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