no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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