just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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