How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Watching her eat just hurts me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
