She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
