sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
