im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
