I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
