he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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