hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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