There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
