I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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