I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Everyone says I win the strip club
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
