My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
