I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
