mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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