you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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