2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
