Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
