We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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