So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
