I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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