Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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