Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize