I can text with my tongue
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
