I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Are we still banned from the library?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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