Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
