come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
