somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
