New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
