YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
