I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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