No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
