She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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