Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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