I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he shaved USA in his pubs
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
