Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
