had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
