U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
