please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
