I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
