my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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