i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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