Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
