I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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