He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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