i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
