I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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