he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How does one acquire holy water?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
