their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
