she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
