Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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