It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
