her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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