so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
