god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
