If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
